The Leafs

TO DEBATE WHETHER OR NOT MATS SUNDIN SHOULD GO INTO THE HOCKEY HALL OF FAME…
MAKES AS MUCH SENSE AS WASTING YOUR TIME DISCUSSING WHETHER OR NOT BERNIE MADOFF SHOULD ROT IN HELL…
TODAY SUNDIN ANNOUNCED HIS RETIREMENT…
AS A RESULT…HE’LL BE ELIGIBLE TO GO INTO THE HALL OF FAME IN 3 YEARS…
WHICH MEANS IN NOVEMBER OF 2012…THE CITY OF TORONTO WILL BE “GIDDY” WITH EXCITEMENT…
TO UNDERSTAND HOW “GIDDY”…KEEP IN MIND…
THE LEAFS HAVE NOT BEEN TO A CUP FINAL IN 42 YEARS…
AND HAVE NOT SEEN A PLAYOFF GAME IN OVER 5…
IT GETS WORSE…A LOT WORSE!!!
THE LAST TIME A FORMER LEAF ENTERED “THE HALL” WAS DICK DUFF IN 2006…
NOW ASK YOURSELF…
HOW CRAZY CAN YOU GET FOR A PLAYER WHO RETIRED IN 1972…AND SCORED A MERE 283 GOALS…
PLEASE!!!
YOU THEN HAVE TO GO BACK TO 1986 TO FIND THE NEXT LEAF TO GET IN…
THAT WAS DAVE KEON…
JUST ONE PROBLEM THERE…
KEON JUMPED TO THE WHA IN 1975 AND WHEN THE TEAM REFUSED TO RETIRE HIS NUMBER 14…
HE TURNED HIS BACK OF THE ORGANIZATION FOR THE NEXT 32 YEARS…
LIKE THE MAN SAID…
“THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS…PUTTING “THE FUN” BACK IN DYSFUNCTIONAL”
SUNDIN ALSO SUFFERED FROM THIS DISORDER…
LAST SEASON HE WANTED TO END HIS CAREER IN TORONTO…
BUT FOR WHATEVER REASON…GENERAL MANAGER BRIAN BURKE REFUSED TO OFFER SUNDIN A CONTRACT…
SO HE PLAYED HIS LAST SEASON HERE IN VANCOUVER…
ALL THIS IS NOTHING NEW FOR WEST COAST HOCKEY FANS…
MARK MESSIER ALSO USED THIS CITY AS A “REST HOME”…
IN 2006 THE RANGERS RETIRED HIS NUMBER…
SO…DO NOT BE SURPRISED IF SOMETIME LATER THIS SEASON THE LEAFS HONOR SUNDIN…
BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL THEY RETIRE HIS NUMBER…
GOD FOR BID!!!
AFTER ALL…HE’S ONLY THEIR ALL TIME LEADER IN GOALS AND POINTS…
NEVERTHELESS THE BIG CELEBRATION WILL TAKE PLACE IN 3 YEARS…AT THE HOCKEY HALL OF FAME…
ON THAT DAY…THE BOYS AND GIRLS IN TORONTO…WILL PARTY LIKE ITS 1967…

San Jose Sharks

THE SAN JOSE SHARKS ARE “NOT” THE WORST CHOKE ARTISTS OF ALL-TIME…
BUT THEY DO OWN THE TITLE FOR “THIS DECADE”…
IN THE LAST 4 SEASONS THE SHARKS HAVE BEEN IN A POSITION TO WIN A STANLEY CUP…
AND IN EVERY CASE THEY WERE UNABLE TO “EVEN GET TO THE FINAL”…
LET ALONE WIN IT…
IN FACT IN THE LAST 3 SEASONS THE SHARKS HAVE FAILED TO GET PAST THE 2ND ROUND OF THE PLAYOFFS…
THE BIGGEST OF THE 4 CHOKES CAME LAST SPRING…
SAN JOSE HAD THE BEST RECORD IN THE NHL…WITH 117 POINTS…
THEY SET A FRANCHISE RECORD FOR WINS WITH 53…
AND YET IN THE FIRST ROUND…
THE 8TH SEEDED ANAHEIM DUCKS FINISHED THEIR SEASON IN ONLY 6 GAMES…
THROUGH IT ALL GENERAL MANAGER DOUG WILSON HAS TRIED EVERYTHING…
HE TRADED FOR JOE THORTON…
FIRED HEAD COACH RON WILSON…
HIRED TODD MCLELLAN…
SIGNED 37 YEAR OLD JEREOMY ROENICK AND 43 YEAR OLD CLAUDE LEMIEUX…
THIS SUMMER THE SHARKS REMOVED PATRICK MARLEAU AS THEIR CAPTAIN…
SENT CHRISTIAN EHRHOFF AND BRAD LUKOWICH TO VANCOUVER…
AND TRADED FOR DANY HEATLY…
THE HEATLY DEAL ALONE WILL COST THE SHARKS $35 MILLION DOLLARS OVER THE NEXT 5 YEARS…
DESPITE IT ALL…THE BOOKIES IN LAS VEGAS ARE STILL NOT IMPRESSED…
THEY HAVE THE SHARKS AT 10-1 TO WIN THE CUP…
SHOULD SAN JOSE CHOKE AGAIN NEXT SPRING…
THEN THIS TEAM WOULD JOIN SOME ELITE COMPANY…
UP THERE WITH LIKES OF:
BILL BUCKNER…
GREG NORMAN…
JEAN VAN DE VELDE…
THE BUFFALO BILLS…
AND THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS…
THE DIFFERENCE IS…ALL THE ABOVE…CHOKED WITH A CHAMPIONSHIP ON THE LINE…
THE SHARKS STILL HAVE NOT MADE IT TO THE DANCE…
SO UNTIL THEY DO…
THE WORST CHOKE ARTISTS OF ALL-TIME REMAIN…
THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS…

Dallas Cowboys

ON SUNDAY NIGHT THE WORLD AS YOU KNOW IT…IS ABOUT TO CHANGE…
THE DALLAS COWBOYS WILL PLAY THEIR HOME OPENER IN THE BRAND NEW…”COWBOYS STADIUM”…
OVER 100 THOUSAND FANS ARE EXPECTED TO WATCH THE COWBOYS AND THE NEW YORK GIANTS…
AT A PRICE OF $1.2 BILLION DOLLARS IT IS THE LARGEST DOMED STADIUM IN THE WORLD…
BUT THAT IS JUST THE PART OF THE STORY…
THE STADIUM HAS THE WORLD LARGEST VIDEO SCREEN THAT HANGS OVER THE FIELD…
ITS 160…BY…72 FEET…AND ITS ALL IN HI-DEF…
WHEN IT COMES TO THE “WOW” FACTOR…
THIS ONE IS RIGHT OFF THE CHARTS…
AND IT ALSO MAKES A GREAT TARGET FOR EVERY PUNTER IN THE NFL…
NOW GET THIS…
THE IDEA OF THE GIANT VIDEO SCREEN…CAME TO OWNER JERRY JONES WHEN HE WAS IN LAS VEGAS…
JONES WAS AT A CELINE DION CONCERT AT CAESARS PALACE…AND COULD NOT TAKE HIS EYES OFF THE VIDEO BOARD HANGING OVER THE STAGE…
THEN THERE’S THE MILLER LITE CLUB…WHICH IS FULL OF DRUNK AND SCREAMING FANS…
THE PLAYERS ACTUALLY HAVE TO WALK THROUGH THE BAR ON THEIR WAY TO…AND BACK FROM…THE FIELD…
BUT ALL THIS LUXERY DOES COME AT A PRICE…
TO BECOME A SEASON TICKET HOLDER A FAN MUST FIRST BUY HIS SEAT…
EACH SELLS FOR $5,000…
THEN THERE’S ANOTHER $100 FOR EACH AND EVERY GAME…
AND OF COURSE…THERE’S PARKING…
THAT GOES FOR $60 DOLLARS PER GAME…
SO A PAIR OF SEASON TICKETS THIS YEAR WILL SET YOU BACK…A COOL $12 THOUSAND DOLLARS…
AND THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE REFRESHMENTS…
PIZZA SELLS FOR $60 DOLLARS…
AND BEER GOES FOR $8 DOLLARS A POP…
THERE IS A CHEAPER WAY TO GO…
IT’S CALLED “THE PARTY PASS”…AND IT SELLS FOR JUST $29 DOLLARS…
BUT THAT ONLY GET’S YOU STANDING ROOM…
SO FAR THE COWBOYS HAVE SOLD 20 THOUSAND OF THOSE PASSES…FOR SUNDAY NIGHTS GAME…
ADD IT ALL UP…
THE COWBOYS ARE DOING ALRIGHT…
ESPECIALLY FOR A TEAM THAT HAS NOT WON A PLAYOFF GAME IN 13 YEARS…

Burkie!

WHAT IS A STANLEY CUP RING WORTH???
FOR BRIAN BURKE…$18 MILLION DOLLARS…
THAT’S WHAT THE LEAFS ARE NOW PAYING BURKE AS PART OF HIS 6 YEAR CONTRACT…
DESPITE ALL THE HYPE…SO FAR BURKE HAS NOT REALLY DONE MUCH TO EARN IT…
LAST SEASON THE LEAFS FINISHED 12TH IN THE EASTERN CONFERENCE…
MADE A COUPLE OF MINOR DEALS AT THE TRADING DEADLINE…
WERE UNABLE TO MOVE UP IN THE ENTRY DRAFT…
AND IN THE OFF SEASON SPENT $33 MILLION DOLLARS TO SIGN MIKE KOMISARIK AND FRANCOIS BEACHEMIN…
TWO DEFENCEMEN WHO LAST SEASON COMBINED FOR A GRAND TOTAL OF 6 GOALS…
IN THE MEANTIME…BOB MURRAY…
THE MAN WHO REPLACED BURKE IN ANAHEIM…
HAS COMPLETELY RETOOLED THE DUCKS…
THANKS TO BURKE…AND HIS MISMANAGEMENT OF THE SALARY CAP…
THE DUCKS WERE FORCED TO GIVE AWAY ANDY MCDONALD TO ST. LOUIS…
AND AT THE START OF LAST SEASON…
THE TEAM COULD NOT GET BOBBY RYAN INTO THE LINE UP…
AFTER MURRAY CLEANED UP THE MESS…RYAN WENT ONTO SCORE 31 GOALS IN 64 GAMES…
IN FACT SINCE TAKING OVER LAST NOVEMBER…
MURRAY HAS TRADED AWAY 7 STARTERS INCLUDING CHRIS PRONGER…CHRIS KUNITZ…SAMEUL PAHLSSON AND TRAVIS MOEN…
THE PRONGER DEAL ALONE GAVE THE DUCKS…3 FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICKS FROM THE PHILADELPHIA FLYERS…
NEVERTHELESS…DESPITE ALL THE CHANGES LAST SEASON…
ANAHEIM NOT ONLY MADE THE PLAYOFFS…
THE DUCKS KNOCKED OFF SAN JOSE IN THE FIRST ROUND AND THEN PUSHED DETROIT TO A 7TH GAME…
IN THE SUMMER MURRAY RESIGNED SCOTT NEIDERMAYER…
AND LANDED SAKU KOIVU AS A FREE AGENT …
TONIGHT ANAHEIM FANS WILL GET THEIR FIRST LOOK AT THE NEW COMBINATION OF “KOIVU AND TEEMU SELANNE”…
ALSO IN THE SUMMER…MURRAY GAVE UP A 3RD ROUND DRAFT PICK TO THE LEAFS FOR GOALTENDER JUSTIN POGGE…
WHICH NOW SETS THE STAGE FOR THE DUCKS TO UNLOAD J.S. GIGUERE…AND THE $13 MILLION DOLLARS HE’LL MAKE OVER THE NEXT 2 SEASONS…
JUST ANOTHER “LEFT OVER” FROM THE BRIAN BURKE ERA…
ADD IT ALL UP…AND MAYBE…JUST MAYBE…
THE LEAFS HIRED THE WRONG GUY!!!

Gary Bettman

GARY BETTMAN IS IN THE FIGHT OF HIS LIFE…
ON THE LINE IS NOT THE FUTURE OF THE PHOENIX COYOTES…
BUT ALSO “HIS” FUTURE AS THE COMMISSIONER OF THE NHL…
TODAY IN PHOENIX…BETTMAN AND JIM BALSILLIE WERE BACK IN COURT…
IT’S A 2 DAY PROCESS THAT WILL RESULT IN AN AUCTION TO DECIDE WHO OWNS THE TEAM…
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY…IT WILL DECIDE WHO RUNS THIS LEAGUE…
TODAY IN THE GLOBE AND MAIL STEPHEN BRUNT DESCRIBED IT THIS WAY…
“A CONTEST OF POWER AND MONEY AND SMARTS AND EGO”…
NO MATTER WHAT JUDGE REDFIELD T. BAUM DECIDES…
IT IS DIFFICULT IF NOT IMPOSSIBLE TO SEE HOW BETTMAN SURVIVES…
IF BALSILLIE WINS…THE TEAM WILL MOVE TO HAMILTON…
YES…THE LEAGUE CAN FIGHT THE MOVE…BUT WHY???
BALSILLIE HAS PROVEN HE HAS BOTH THE “MONEY” AND THE “WILL” TO KEEP GOING…AND GOING…AND GOING…
IF THE NHL WINS…THE OTHER 29 OWNERS WILL BE ON THE HOOK FOR WHATEVER THE COYOTES LOSE THIS SEASON…
LAST SEASON THEY LOST $67 MILLION…
THE NHL WILL THEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH BUSINESS OF RE-LOCATING THE COYOTES…
THE TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS HAVE MADE IT CLEAR THEY WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO KEEP THEM OUT OF THEIR MARKET…
WHICH MEANS…ANOTHER NASTY AND EXPENSIVE LEGAL FIGHT IS ALREADY ON THE HORIZON…
ALL OF THIS COULD HAVE…AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED…
IF ONLY BETTMAN HAD SIMPLY ALLOWED BALSILLIE TO BUY THE NASHVILLE PREDATORS…
INSTEAD HE CHOSE TO PICK…YET…ANOTHER FIGHT…
THIS TIME WITH A BILLIONAIRE WHO IS CLEARLY…OUT OF HIS WEIGHT CLASS…
TO KEEP BALSILLIE OUT OF THE NHL CLUBHOUSE…BETTMAN SUPPORTED THE SALE OF THE PREDATORS TO A CROOK BY THE NAME OF WILLIAM “BOOTS” DE BIAGGIO…
ON TUESDAY DE BIAGGIO WAS SENTENCED TO 8 YEARS IN PRISON FOR STEALING $110 MILLION DOLLARS…
THE TIMING OF THIS HAS NOT BEEN LOST…
THERE ARE NOW LESS THAN 2 YEARS LEFT ON BETTMANS CONTRACT…AND NO MATTER HOW THIS COURT CASE PLAYS OUT IN PHOENEX…
IT IS HIGHLY DOUBTFUL HE’LL BE ALLOWED TO SEE IT THROUGH…
THE SAD TRUTH IS…
GARY BETTMAN ONLY HAS HIMSELF TO BLAME…

Brian Burke

BRIAN BURKE…
THE GIFT THAT JUST KEEPS ON GIVING…
IT IS NO SECRET BURKE IS TRYING TO LAND PHIL KESSEL OUT OF BOSTON…
IN JUNE THE LEAFS OFFERED UP THOMAS KABERLE AS PART OF PACKAGE…BUT THAT DEAL FELL THROUGH…
OVER THE WEEKEND BURKE RE-ACQUIRED THE TEAMS 2ND ROUND PICK IN 2010 FROM CHICAGO…
THAT TRIGGERED ALL SORTS OF SPECULATION THAT BURKE IS NOW PREPARED TO SUBMIT AN OFFER SHEET TO AQUIRE KESSEL…
NOW HOLD HERE KIDS!!!
THIS IS THE SAME BRIAN BURKE WHO JUST 2 YEARS AGO “WENT POSTAL” ON KEVIN LOWE FOR DOING THE EXACT SAME THING WITH DUSTIN PENNER…
BACK THEN BURKE CALLED LOWE…”GUTLESS”…
THEN WENT ONTO SAY…
“IF I HAD RUN MY TEAM INTO THE SEWER LIKE THAT I WOULDN’T THROW A GRENADE AT THE OTHER 29 TEAMS”…
LOWE RESPONDED BY CALLING BURKE A “MORON”…
LABLED HIS COMMENTS AS…”PATHETIC”…
AND REFERED TO BURKE AS A…”MEDIA JUNKIE”…AND…”AN UNDERACHIEVING WANNABE”…
NOW THE FIGHT IS OVER KESSEL…
SUDDENLY BURKE HAS FOUND A WHOLE NEW APPRECIATION FOR “OFFER SHEETS…
TODAY HE STATED…”THEY’RE PART OF THE CBA AND A TEAM UTILIZES THAT TOOK TO GET BETTER”…
IF ALL THIS SOUNDS JUST A LITTLE HYPOCRITICAL…WELL THEN CLEARLY…YOU DO NOT DO NOT LIVE ON “PLANET BURKE”…
ACCORDING TO HIM…THESE ARE NOT PARALLEL CIRCUMSTANCES BECAUSE…
AS BURKE PUTS IT…”THERE HAS BEEN NO BLINDSIDE OR BACK DOOR LIKE KEVIN LOWE DID”…
LET’S BE CLEAR ABOUT ONE THING…
BURKE IS TALKING TO BOSTON GENERAL MANAGER PETER CHIARELLI BECAUSE IT IS IN HIS BEST INTERESTS TO MAKE A TRADE FOR KESSEL…
UNFORTUNATELY FOR THE LEAFS…
THE BRUINS HAVE CAP PROBLEMS AND ARE NOT INTERESTED IN ADDING ANY MORE SALARY…
BURKE NOW WILL HAVE TO OFFER KESSEL AT LEAST A 5 YEAR CONTRACT WORTH MORE THAN 26 MILLION…
THAT COST THE LEAFS…2 FIRST ROUND PICKS…A SECOND ROUNDER…AND A THIRD ROUNDER…
IT WOULD…IN EFFECT…”GUT” THEIR DRAFTS IN BOTH 2010 AND 2011…
CHIARELLI HAS MADE IT CLEAR…ANYTHING LESS…AND THE BRUINS WILL MATCH…
WHICH MEANS…FOR BRIAN BURKE…IT’S TIME TO EITHER…
”PUT UP OR SHUT UP”…

Brian Burke

Roberto Luongo

IT IS MORE THAN A CONTRACT…
IT IS A “STATEMENT”…
TODAY THE VANCOUVER CANUCKS SIGNED ROBERTO LUONGO TO A 12 YEAR DEAL WORTH $64 MILLION DOLLARS…
THIS DEAL ANSWERED ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT GENERAL MANAGER MIKE GILLIS REALLY THINKS ABOUT HIS GOALTENDER…
LUONGO IS THE FRANCHISE…PERIOD…
NOT EVEN THE SEDIN TWINS WERE OFFERED THIS KIND OF LONG TERM COMMITMENT…
THE CONTRACT IS FRONT LOADED…
NEXT SEASON LUONGO WILL BE PAID $10 MILLION DOLLARS…
THAT’S NEARLY TWICE WHAT MARTIN BRODUER MAKES…
AND $1 MILLION MORE THAN BOTH ALEXANDER OVECHKIN…AND SIDNEY CROSBY WILL TAKE HOME…
LUONGO WILL SEE $53 MILLION OVER THE FIRST 8 YEARS OF THE CONTRACT…
WITH A MERE $7 MILLION TO BE PAID OVER THE FINAL 4 YEARS…
WHICH MEANS:
STARTING NEXT SEASON…HIS CAP HIT…WILL DROP TO…$5.33 MILLION…
NEARLY $1.5 MILLION LESS…THAN THIS SEASON…
THAT’S IMPORTANT BECAUSE GILLIS HAS THREE BIG DECISIONS TO MAKE…
THE FIRST IS RYAN KESLER…WHO WILL BE A RESTRICTED FREE AGENT NEXT SUMMER…
KESLER MAKES $1.75 MILLION…HE WAS THE CANUCKS MVP LAST SEASON…AND WILL BE LOOKING FOR A BIG RAISE…
THE SECOND IS WILLIE MITCHELL…WHO WILL BE AN UNRESTRICTED FREE AGENT NEXT SUMMER…
MITCHELL IS A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED…
HE’S NOW 32…MAKES $3.5 MILLION AND HAS A NO TRADE CLAUSE…
AND FINALLY…CORY SCHNEIDER…
WHO IS ONE OF THE CANUCKS BEST PROSPECTS…
SCHNEIDER IS JUST 23…AND LAST SEASON WAS NAMED THE AMERICAN HOCKEY LEAGUE GOALTENDER OF THE YEAR…
IT MAKES NO SENSE TO KEEP HIM…AND IT MAKES NO SENSE TO SEND HIM BACK TO MANITOBA…
THE SMART MONEY SAYS…THE CANUCKS WILL SHOWCASE SCHNEIDER TO START THE SEASON…
THEN PACKAGE HIM UP IN A DEAL TO LAND A TOP 6 FORWARD…
IT ALSO MEANS…ANDREW RAYCROFT WILL PROBABLY START THE SEASON IN WINNIPEG…
BUT FOR NOW…WHAT MATTERS MOST IS…
THE CANUCKS WILL NOT LOSE ROBERTO LUONGO TO FREE AGENCY…
WHICH MEANS:
FOR THE NEXT FEW YEARS THIS FRANCHISE WILL BE ABLE TO COMPETE FOR A STANLEY CUP…
HOW’S THAT FOR A “STATEMENT”???